Fading into wallpaper on a Friday afternoon with the sweet serenade of evening traffic roaring, she stood listening to Billie Holliday sing about lynching and lost love. The awful truth of low-hung branches weighed down with bodies that swayed back and forth above approving eyes made her want to disappear further into the world of faded paper flowers and stripes. She zombie-wandered through passionless landscapes attempting impossible escapes, and failing. Orchards of odd fruit followed forcing her to succumb to the inevitability that suffering occurs, was occurring, had occurred and there was no eluding it.
But she had forgotten something, love existed in Billie’s melody and it was not completely lost, because it loomed, just over there behind the torn corner where the cobwebs blossomed like hands. Some lover man who called every woman “baby” and some god-blessed child wearing a torn petticoat smile-giggled, as they waited discovery.
After returning smile-for-smile to them, she floated on hand-painted bird wings to roam through royal climates without the limits of kings or pawns. Then the bird dipped down and she splashed through aquatic realms where one reality diffused into another. He was there. The one she loved. The one she had tried to escape by pushing herself away from him and his done with being a bachelor rose-colored promises. Her suspicion had ebbed enough to stand free of plaster fantasies. It was time to build something together and learn how to hope. She would take baby steps for now.
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I absolutely LOVE this Rachel. That first sentence just pulled me in and wouldn't let go. There are so many great lines here, I could read every one on its own over and over again. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteThank you Deanna. I think I'm moving out of my dark period for a bit. I felt a lot of joy writing this one.
ReplyDeleteI love this - the combination of the first line and the picture was enough to hook me. I agree with Deanna, there are a lot of wonderful lines in there. I am glad you felt joy as you wrote it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rebecca. I wasn't sure if anyone would like this or not, so it's good to know that you and Deanna both do. I've been doing a lot of cancer writing this week, this is was a great break.
ReplyDeleteI love the metaphorical quality to this, Rachel. It floats, it soars, it dips, it rests, at last gliding with hope. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you Laura. I almost didn't post this one, so glad that I did now. You guys have made my day.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, Rachel. Very poetic. It begs to be read slowly.
ReplyDeleteThanks Danielle. I actually edited this by reading it out loud.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
ReplyDeleteTo be rescued from ones own depressive swaddle by Billie Holliday. That'd be nice.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I found myself reading this slowly, like an excellent poem. Your 'out loud' editing has paid off. Thank you..:)
ReplyDeleteMy Flash Blog
Thank you Gany, John and L'Aussie for your comments. John, thank you for the Billie Holliday comments and L'Aussie, I think I might start editing like that from now on.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments - a rolling, poetic feel to this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to comment on my writing Tony.
ReplyDeleteRachel, you know I'm a sucker for this kind of work. It drew me in like a dream, poetry weaving itself through my mind, building an image of lost desperation evolving to the birth of hope. I'm SO glad you decided to publish this.
ReplyDeleteStrange fruit can yield seeds of hope. Loved the artistry.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mike. I'm SO glad you left that comment. You have no idea how much your comment means to me. It's a nice break to just let myself go creatively.
ReplyDeleteCathrynLouis, thank you for your comment. "Strange Fruit" is one of my favorite Billie Holliday songs, and I've always wanted to find some way to incorporate it into my writing. This was an experiment that I think I'll do again.
ReplyDeleteI love the way this flows, the way you weave the words together to create a beautiful story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to comment Eric.
ReplyDeleteWondrous writing, Rach! This truly does flow through like a lovely gentle breeze upon a sweet Fall day. Divine!
ReplyDeleteThere are a few aspects of bittersweetness from time to time but overall its outlook is so powerfully strong and very hopeful. We can choose to embrace the light or the shadows... and I think this piece reflects that fact greatly.
jkb
Certainly reads like poetry. It has a lilting quality to it.
ReplyDeleteEloquently poetic, lovely to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comments James, Icy and Steve. I love poetic prose. Toni Morrison is a favorite of mine. I love the way she weaves a story.
ReplyDeleteyour use of personification, this literary device seems natural for the character you created as if it weren't personification but the character's own doing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment Lionel. You know, I never think of using this literary device or that. I just kind of let the character take me in whatever direction I'm supposed to go, which is completely opposite in how other types of writing.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say it begs to be read out loud, then I see that you did so in editing. This really does read like poetry. Nicely done.
ReplyDelete~jon
This is gorgeous, Rachel. I'm glad you're finding some peace and moving out of the darkness. It always takes time.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jon and Vandamir. Yes Vandamir, I am slowly edging my way out of those dark places. It does take time. Like the woman in my story, I'm staking baby steps.
ReplyDeleteLovely. Just lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to comment placebythefire. This was a lovely thing to wake up to this morning. Hope you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteVery lyrical story. A great way of moving back to lighter tales. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Mari, we'll see how long this lasts...muhahahaha
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely piece, dreamy yet real and full of emotions. Great style
ReplyDeleteThank you brainhaze. Ironically I was reading your story when you were reviewing mine.
ReplyDeleteRachel, You've done it yet again. I am constantly amazed at your ability to make joy out of sadness, to find the light in the darkness. I applaud you and your lovely words.
ReplyDeleteThank you Christel. Lord only knows what I'm going to come up with for next week.
ReplyDeleteyour words are poetry..... so beautifully crafted. I love the way they flow together. It's a pleasure to read them aloud even. They just are so wonderful. You have great style and a way with words.
ReplyDeleteThank you A.S. it was really good to read this comment right now. I just received a rejection on something where it was clear the editor didn't even read it, "it may need more polishing, then again now, it was probably great." Nice.
ReplyDelete"orchards of odd fruit" - what a delicious image! "aquatic realms where one reality diffused into another" - I want to go for a swim here...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Mazz, I just let my creative self go with this one. Think I'll definitely do that again.
ReplyDeleteOnce in a while I read something and go "Wow. How does one bend words to create such wonderful shapes in the mind?"
ReplyDeleteThis piece flowed, right along with The Lady's blues voice and music. Some many images, strung together, making perfect sense and beautifully brought to a conclusion.
The opposition of the strange fruit and hope - inspired.
Thank you KJM. You really have humbled me with that statement. I don't know what else to say.
ReplyDeleteAs others have already said, Rachel, this is a beautiful piece. It's absolute poetry, a joy to read. Practically perfect in every way, as Mary Poppins says. Perhaps your best yet. If you can find a publisher who doesn't mind the fact you've already put it on your blog, you should submit it. It's definitely worth sharing with the whole world--or at least as much of the world as you can reach.
ReplyDeleteThank you Travis. I was hoping to do a collection with some of these, so we'll see if I can find that publisher.
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