(or a day in the life of a city on a hot summer day in three hundred words)
Hot-headed cabdrivers maneuver through civilians who crowd empty and refill the foot plodded oil-streaked pavement. Drug dealers deal from corners and crack houses, secreting their stash to those who slobber along transfixed. Lemonade glasses and rocking chair swings decorate the imaginations of those who sit crowded on stoops, dreaming of ease. Whirring fans blow hot. The ice cream truck chasing of children results in melted sticky sweet smiles. Scream-laugh playground wars compete with horns, scolding mothers and the barking of panting dogs seeking retreat from thirst. Mothers call their children to come in to eat, while fathers from various economic brackets chug back beers, sit in offices or haul trash. Roaches lurk with hidden agendas in darkness.
Garbage reeks of better days and the decaying of sweetness. Storefronts offer promises whispered by Chanel, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin’s red-soled stilettos that only a select few can hear as panhandlers and homeless vets beg for dollar signs. Wealthy matrons hire others to walk their dogs that wear diamond studded collars, while others feel lucky to find a cardboard box in a bit of shade to rest. This balletic litter of events, consisting of births, deaths and what feels desperately important, dances oddly in the heaviness of humidity like billowing newspapers floating.








I really enjoyed this piece, Rach. I could just feel that overflowing heat throughout. -- Like cooking an egg on the sidewalk! With an awesome ending to boot.
ReplyDeleteThis was originally a naga uta poem, which I have since rewritten as a flash fiction story.
ReplyDelete"What feel desperately important". Love this line. Love your snapshot of the city. Well, no, not a snapshot really because there was movement and heat and smells. Wonderful rhythm. I would still consider this poetry in spirit.
ReplyDeleteThank you Shannon. That's what I love about poetic prose, and thank you for taking the time to comment on my work.
ReplyDeleteThe language in this flows life the life of the city you're describing, swirling, flying, flexing.
ReplyDelete"...The ice cream truck chasing of children results in melted sticky sweet smiles..."
The above sentence is simply gorgeous and alive - the story of the children, ice cream truck, the chase, what followed - all told in a single sentence.
Excellent, excellent writing.
Oh dear - I am sure I intended to type "...flows LIKE the life..."
ReplyDeleteApologies for not catching that before clicking "Post".
I'm a bit late to the parade, I'm afraid...
ReplyDeleteVery vivid and poetic descriptions of the street scenes, Rachel. So good that I was flashing back to suffering the summers back when I lived in SW Ontario.
Some killer lines as well. May favs were:
"Roaches lurk with hidden agendas in darkness."
" Puddles bring relief to children who splash and play without care of consequences."
I really like this. I feel the heat. Nice snapshots, good rhythm, a treat for the tongue and mind.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful mix of poetry and prose. I can easily see this was originally a poem. The only line I couldn't wrap my mind around was "Hot-headed cabdrivers maneuver through civilians who crowd empty and refill the foot plodded oil-streaked pavement." It could be the drugs, but my mind stopped on this line and tried, without success, to figure out the meaning of it while everything else flowed smoothly.
ReplyDelete@KJM, thank you for the kind words. That ice cream image was a particularly strong one with me because I used to be one of this sticky smiling kids.
ReplyDelete@Alan, not sure what parade you're late to, but happy you made it here and thank you for the comments.
@David, thank you for the comment about tongue and mind...funny I hadn't read this one out loud. Think I will now.
@Vandamir, and perhaps I just need to look at that sentence. Thank you for the comment.
Wow Rachel! This is an amazing snap shot of summer. The imagery is beautiful. You have now officially become my favorite authoer. Move over Eric Jerome Dickey and Lolita Files, Rachel Black Bird Song has taken your place!
ReplyDeleteThank you Torey!
ReplyDeleteAn engaging piece of poetic fiction, well versed and humid throughout. i believe i almost broke into a slight sweat. Keep up the vivid imagery.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you don't have air conditioning? Anyone whose prose breathes heat like this must have an intimate familiarity with the sticky shirtback of summer.
ReplyDeleteGood story. It was very well written. It flowed like poetry, and conjured up very clear images of hot summer days in the city.
ReplyDeleteThank you @Debrin and @Tony.
ReplyDelete@Tony, yes, we only got air conditioning a few yeas ago, so you're correct about that.
Yes, poetic prose at its best. You wrote a piece that has reader engage all the senses. Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteRachel, left you a little something here...
ReplyDeletehttp://johnwiswell.blogspot.com/2010/08/seven-somethings-thanks-anthony.html
What a great description of a big city. It could be almost any big city, anywhere in the Western world. Great work!
ReplyDelete