Friday, August 13, 2010

Summer Heat Stories


Sunrise

Waking was the hardest part of his day. He hated mornings, especially this time of year when the summer heat made his bed feel swampy and his sheets clung to him like grasping stringy arms. He faced the starkness of the lonely city and trudged through the traffic of pedestrians and tourists until he arrived at her door hoping for a possible “hello.” He had been there last night waiting as she returned from the sweat-stained streets to tell her he loved her, but had retreated in emptiness to endure another morning alone and the empty shrill of his alarm clock.


Thunder

Violence blazed beneath the surface of perspiration that clung like slime to his skin. Wiping his forehead provided only a temporary relief as moisture instantly blossomed there again. He wanted to strike her so hard that she instantly felt all of his love, hate, anger, desire and agitation in one furious shattering blow. The floorboards screamed beneath him, telegraphing his movements through the tiny summer heat scorched apartment. She did not, could not move; simmering white-hot fear paralyzed her. Her slip was sweat-soaked transparent so that every aspect of her form was visible. They eyed each other with comingled desperation. Boom.


Outcast

An old cat saunters lazily across the hot summer pavement. Its paws scarred and numbed from homeless wandering, have become immune to the heat. Spying a mouse scurrying to a nearby garbage can, it focuses before striking, tasting delicious throbbing meat. Dragging its still-breathing prey to a darkened corner, it feeds—its first meal today—before taking time to clean itself obeying ancient instincts forged on Egyptian soil. Another cat nears smelling a fresh kill. Hissing and yowls reverberate off alley bricks as they claw bloody lines onto each other. One cat scurries away wounded, the other licks old wounds purring.


Remains

“I loved you more than words can ever say.” Her poem came to her so quickly that she could barely write it down before another line came tumbling out seeking its place upon the page. “You stomped upon my heart indifferently.”

She paused to adjust the fan to dissipate the heat of the summer sun, which streamed into her room like jagged fingers exploring a lover’s needy form.

“You tried to conquer me with love’s expression.” She blinked away tears as she continued to dredge up the bones of what loving him had been and how letting go had saved her.


Indifference

The rain temporarily cooled the summer heat, making everything feel almost tolerable. It didn’t last. The sign on the health clinic was dirty and only some of the neon letters glowed. She walked inside, her nostrils suddenly filled with the smell of antiseptic love gone wrong. She sat down after signing her name and tried to focus on an issue of a magazine that was five years old. “Five years ago,” she whispered through rubber gloves, stirrups and warm red painful moaning ooze. Tears trickled down into her ears making odd echoes of already muffled voices. “Get up ma’am, it’s done.”


Elegy

Sometimes, when she wasn’t aware, she allowed herself the humanity of a smile or the hint of one. Usually, however, she remained firmly fixed, a sullen creature behind a desk sternly cataloging obituaries while sipping weak tea. She liked the old deaths best. They were her jewels and she contentedly searched for who was the oldest among them each day. The only sound besides the tick-tock-ticking of the clock chiming the hours she spent reading and rereading the death notices of people she had never known, was of a hissing teapot blazing away through oblivion’s door in the furious summer heat.


Sundown

Her hands were dishwater worn and caked with flour, which she wiped across her tattered housecoat. She put her hands on her hips as if doing so exhausted her and sighed. The children would be home soon and she’d wanted to surprise them, but the summer heat had slowed her down and the bread had taken longer than usual to rise. She had wanted to give them warm bread and honey when they’d returned home from a day of mischief and fishing. Instead, she would simply hug them and playfully push them away, before cleaning the still-breathing fish with sharpened knives.

20 comments:

  1. There's a lot going on here. Like quick snapshots of people's lives. Maybe like Quantum Leap. I dig girl. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The surprisingly oppressive summer heat that holds my city in a grip that just won't let go helped me "feel" your story as well as see.

    Really like the stylistic touch of breaking it apart with subtitles.

    Well done. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you crookedfang and Marisa. I had fun doing these stories and I'm happy to see that you've enjoyed them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Like XPM said, there is a lot going on here. It's difficult to process all in one reading, so I came back a second time. Your descriptions can be so sharp that it's a little challenging to string them together in this format. Worth returning to, though, most certainly. Are you going to try more experiments like this?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't know that I will John. It's pretty discouraging to put this much effort into something and receive so little response to it. I might do it for myself, but clearly this experiment has not been well-received.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rachel, I thought your literary snapshots were very well done! I'm going to be thinking about them for a while.

    CD

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree with John, this is a deeply layered piece. The oppressive heat here weighs almost as heavily as the woman's past. Well done.

    As far as it not being well-received, I think it's probably more a case of being too faceted, and therefore thought-provoking, for a quick comment in passing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Girl, this one left me dripping with sweat.

    I'm with Tony about this piece. It's like a hot knife sunk deep into our brains, touching nerves that need to be touched. That may not be the most pleasant experience, but it's one we long for, one that nourishes our souls in ways we hardly understand.

    Most flash I read seems simple and facile and little more than clever by comparison. This piece is like a diamond in a field of rubble. Great work Rachel.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Taken all together, it's almost too much for my brain to comprehend yet, taken individually they're small gems of emotion that need the whole to complete them.

    I hope that make sense. Sometimes the drugs overtake my mind. :)

    This is a hard piece to comment on, but don't be discouraged by it. Sometimes you get less comments because you're left us speechless. I think that is the case here.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you all for the encouraging comments all. I think I am just too close to this one because it took me longer to write than my usual flash stories and I dug a little deeper into myself to write.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This reminds me of Olive Kitteridge Rachel. Have you read it? Of course that's a novel written in short stories, but this is how it's written - snapshots of different people's lives that all connect to one woman. Anyway...

    I hope you'll try more like this because I like it a lot. As others have said it is a lot to process in one reading, but that's just what makes me want to read it again and again.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your writing is beautiful as always. This piece is deeply layered as John and Tony said. It bears more than cursory thought.

    That said, I could see this expanded into a novel. Yes, I could. A deeper look into her life, using this exact style of (perhaps longer) snippets, would be very original and interesting.

    And don't you dare stop writing #fridayflash! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is truely an emotional and thought provoking piece - I read it twice and it is so powerful. The style of breaking it up the way you have is like eating tapas, small little dishes of full on flavours before you move to the next - I like it.

    (I think there must be a lot of people doing vacation things in the UK anyway, cos not many comments on any #fridayflashes this week)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Goddess, I love these amazingly written, powerful morsels. So much to savor. I'm printing out to read again... and again. Peace...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi, Rachel!

    Sorry it took so long for me to get around to your blog this week; I've been without a computer for a few days.

    I wanted to comment on each of the individual micro-fic pieces, but, as you can see, "Thunder" was the only one I managed to come up with a response for. These works are very interesting and quite powerful; it's difficult to encapsulate all the thoughts and feelings they provoke into responses shorter than the pieces themselves.

    I enjoyed each of them individually, but I think they work as a whole as well, in a slightly different way. These snippets of humanity--and felinity in "Outcast"--combine to create a striking exposé of everyday experiences that we can all relate to even if we've never known specific ones personally. Each can be read as metaphor for a wider experience of that emotion, and the whole is a wonderful metaphor of life itself.

    There's definitely depth in this sort of story and a great potential for more to be unleashed. I'd enjoy seeing more in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Each story was an excellent read. Short but with a powerful punch. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Indifference was such a powerful blow. Chilling in its stark reality. Best one of the lot, and they are all very good.

    Sundown was very disturbing, all the punch packed into that last line. Made me shudder.
    ~jon

    ReplyDelete
  18. Once again you amaze me with words. Great job. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I could see this as a multi narrative strung with these different characters, kind of like Magnolia. Like how the climate influences the temperament of the characters and carries the theme.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you everyone for your comments. I had fun doing this and may do something like this again. Perhaps I'll do another seasonal one, especially since it's almost autumn.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...