“I loved you more than words can ever say.” Her poem came to her so quickly that she could barely write it down before another line came tumbling out seeking its place upon the page. “You stomped upon my heart indifferently.”
She paused to adjust the fan to dissipate the heat of the summer sun, which streamed into her room like jagged fingers exploring a lover’s needy form.
“You tried to conquer me with love’s expression.” She blinked away tears as she continued to dredge up the bones of what loving him had been and how letting go had saved her.
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I love how your prose is more poetic than her poem.
ReplyDeleteSecond paragraph sort of threw me since she's letting him go but the images conjured by "the heat of the summer sun, which streamed into her room like fingers exploring a lover’s form" makes it seem more like she's holding onto him. It's beautiful imagery but doesn't give me a sense of the pain expressed in the next paragraph "as she continued to dredge up the bones". If you intended the juxtaposition, then just ignore me. :)
Thank you for the comment and interesting idea about that one line. I was trying to convey a sense longing, but perhaps I went over the top with what I wrote. It's so hard to encapsulate a full story in 100 words, but it's a fun challenge. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my work.
ReplyDeleteI did not stumble on that line, but after reading the comment I went back and reread it and can see what vandamire means. Still, this works well as a whole for me.
ReplyDelete~jon
The picture does not seem to be working, by the way. I just see a big black box.
ReplyDelete~jon
I decided to leave that in there since it is possible to long for someone even though you know they're good for you, but thank you for helping me look deeper into my own words.
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