Friday, July 9, 2010

Beneath the Red-Hot Sky

The shadow woman swept up the ashen words of conversations that dissipated into smoke in the new morning breeze. She collected each fragment like puzzle pieces, not trying to put them back together, but instead to form new truths of her own making, born from her own experience and the wisdom from her grandmother’s lips that trickled down like rain.

That was the only comfort earth’s children had as the blistering heat beat them all into submission as it absorbed every bit of moisture from the air. There would be no running today; no need for any of them to rush about as if they had purpose. Today was a day for stillness and calm. Even the birds were quiet in the sweltering scorch of daybreak.

A lone sweat droplet clung to the tip of a man’s nose teasing any who saw him with the possibility of its finally falling. Somehow it remained; adjusting its grasp to every syllable and head-jerk, he uttered. He had forgotten old lessons, old words. He shuffled through the day unaware of his new companion beneath the red-hot sky.

Across town, a mother yelled at howling baby. The AC was broken and the rent was due. She existed amid the stench of dirty diapers and clichés. She didn’t have time for lessons. She wasn’t aware of anything but the sweat-stained sheets on her empty bed and the baby she couldn’t calm in the stifling heat.

They were like so many others on that fervid day. They were certain it would pass as all things passed.

Shadow woman felt the blazing air thicken like sludge. The weight of old words was stifling. There was no fixing the current climate of misunderstandings and cloudy judgments. People would have to learn how to rearrange their own thoughts and words one day. She was weakening. There had been too many fiery exchanges of late, and she hadn’t been able to provide the necessary serenity to cool them.

The world was moving too fast. So much faster than the days of old stories repeated on parched lips. Some words had ignited wars, caused radioactive calamities. It was all too much. The only hope was rain. The only hope was that the mercy of the rain hadn’t dried alone and it would be enough to satiate old words and restore tranquility to this charged atmosphere.

"We are all one, my children," she murmured still hoping they would learn. "We are all one."

16 comments:

  1. This was very beautiful. I felt the shadow woman tries to soothe and calm the heated thoughts and tempers of mankind..each person's life a colorful, complicated piece trying to fit somewhere.

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  2. Thanks Dream_Art. We need to try this again sometime. You gave me that first sentence and the I just let the story create itself from that. Great fun.

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  3. Because of the extreme heat that has gripped the area where I live, there was a particular understanding of the swelter experienced by the people in your story!

    This piece is just so beautifully written. And clever! Incendiary words building up a storm of rage and heat as the world moves along too quickly.

    And the spirit of the old ways losing the ability to keep up.

    Wonderful!

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  4. Thank you for the lovely comment Marisa.

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  5. Beautifully told Rachel, and so fitting for the near drought we're having on the US east coast right now.
    I just love the way you string words together.

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  6. I hear Ray Bradbury has a hotel with a similar problem. They love lady visitors. Perhaps if she took the baby over there, they would share a few raindrops. Even if it remains a drought, that lady needs to get out.

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  7. Hot. I need a cold bath. Great piece.

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  8. To davidbdale....exactly. You fail to see the words.

    Rach - this is a stunningly beautiful piece so full of your heritage. I love it! Good job, chica!

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  9. I LOVED the first paragraph. Pulled me in right away, and your analogy about the words like ash was EXCEPTIONAL!!! Wow! It's times like this that I challenge my own writing to attempt to evoke the same kind of sensory detail and emotion.

    Loved the rest of the piece and felt the sadness in the changing mundane sweeping away tradition and the old ways.

    Simply beautiful.

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  10. Not sure what your comment means John Wiswell. Yours is a waste of time DavidDale. If you don't like my writing you should be able to explain why. That is what constructive criticism is.

    Thank you Deanna, Carrie, Jinxie and Kitty.

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  11. This story is simply gorgeous. The unbearable heat, the words like ash, and then Shadow Woman-- everything about this piece is superb.

    Pure poetry.

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  12. This is a powerful, image-rich and evocative piece. I found myself enthralled from the beginning. Beautiful work.

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  13. Evocative and provoking but best of all, even as poetry, it drew me into a place that felt real but where I'd never been, like a room of paintings made of dark, rich colors. That's the kind of internal reality our minds are capable of and which we so rarely get to experience. Most impressive.

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  14. A week late, but... oh so powerful. A real spirituality laces your words. Peace...

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  15. Dark and moody, I read it more like poetry than prose.

    For some reason I can't explain a Stephen King phrase popped into my mind.

    "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed"

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